How To Sustain Your Long Distance Friendships

You may find as you get older that your social circle continues to expand, but so does the distance. The more you and your friends move and travel, the more scattered your social circle may become. While it may be amazing to have friends all over the globe, it can also be challenging to sustain your long distance friendships. 

I have had the privilege of calling three different cities back in the US my home. I’ve also had the privilege of traveling full time since 2018. I have stayed in over 44 cities, and over 20 countries. In short…I know people everywhere.

Unfortunately, the more our lives change, and the greater the physical distance, the harder it can to maintain these friendships that mean so much to us. I don’t think anything or anyone can replace the special people in my heart though, so I make it a point to keep these friendships alive and thriving.

I’m not going to lie though- long-distance is not my thing. I am a notoriously bad texter, and I’m not super into face time calls. For someone that spends a lot of time on their phone, I hate it as a communication tool with a fiery passion. That being said- I have friendships that are over 15 years old. I have friendships over 10 years old, that have always been long distance yet we are still so close. 

So whether you’re traveling around, your friends are, or you’re in lockdown during a global pandemic, here’s some handy tips on how to maintain and sustain your long distance friendships. Time zones, borders, and life changes don’t have to be obstacles. 

Schedule Your Catch-Ups

One of the quickest things I learned once entering a different time zone, was how easy it can be to never talk to your friends again. Long gone are the days of spontaneous calls and chats when you’re 14 hours ahead of someone. Heck, even if you’re in the same area, life gets busy and we can’t just pick up. 

Now I schedule the time to chat. I put it on my calendar, and I follow through as best I can. If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen.

Connect on a Common Interest

It sucks when you can’t hang out with your friends anymore and do what you love together. Face times or phone calls can be pretty lackluster, I admit. Especially if not much is happening in one or both of your lives. 

Most of us have friendships because they fulfill a certain part of us, and we relate to each other via a common interest, or several. Make that thing you both love or have in common be the exciting glue to your long distance friendship.

Have a virtual book club, send each other news on issues you both care about, share your art, or a really good recipe. Binge watch the same TV shows or podcasts. Find ways to connect that you know the other person will appreciate and that you are doing anyway. Including someone else in on this helps keep you two together, with very little effort. 

Utilize Vacation Time

Most of us embark on some sort of trip or adventure every year. This is the fun part of long distance relationships. While you could go visit your friend, you can also both plan a trip together. This is the main way that I stay in contact with long distance friends.

While it’s easy to just take your partner on a trip or immediate circle, you can also put a little bit more thought into it. Use your adventures to connect with others, if possible. Send the invite out, they may not be able to come, but maybe they can. Then you get to go on a trip, and reunite with a friend. 

Value Your Friends Needs

This is something that is so important if you are traveling, or caught up in a really crazy time in your life. Make sure you are still there for your friends, and still showing interest in their lives. 

It’s easy to have an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. I often get swept up in my current reality and I’m not the best about checking in back home. I’m learning to remember to still follow up with my other friends, and to make sure I am still showing up for them. It’s easier to do this when you know what your friends need and expect from you.

Keep Your Community Updated

If calls and face times aren’t your thing, or you’re awful at texts like me, just find a way to keep people updated how you can. For me, that is Instagram. I can easily update Instagram every week, and I make it a priority to stay in touch with my loved ones. They like to see what I’m doing and I like to see what they are doing.

For everything bad you can say about social media, it has truly allowed me to stay involved and actually watch the life of my friends evolve over the years. That’s been incredible. I feel infinitely more connected to those friends that are also active on social media than those who aren’t.  

Learn Your Priorities

I make a list as often as needed of what I want to prioritize in life. This also includes people. It serves as a reminder and a way to get clarity on how I’m spending my time, and who I need to be investing more time in. 

When your social circle isn’t next door to you and your life isn’t that connected, it takes time and energy to maintain your friendships. Knowing who I want to prioritize can help stop me from getting too swept up in the current moment (though I’m super guilty of this). Ill make sure to show up for those face times, respond to those texts, and make a consistent effort with these friends. 

Set Boundaries

That being said, boundaries are so important. Maintaining your long-distance friendships doesn’t mean you have to text and talk everyday. Quite the contrary. It means that you are just staying connected- whatever that means for you two. This involves boundaries.

Some friends may want and expect daily messages. That’s not me. We have to ensure in all our relationships that boundaries are clear and needs are met for both parties. We should know what to expect from our friends, what we need to give, and are comfortable giving.